Dear nagging wife...

Perhaps you crave in-depth one-on-one conversations with your spouse.  Perhaps you long for the dates when you could just sit and talk-  not spend 1.5 hours in a movie where you never speak, but just sit next to each other…Perhaps you find yourself asking yourself and others:

“Why doesn’t he “communicate?” When we met, he always communicated!  We had long talks, we’d even sit on the phone for hours and hours…and now he can’t wait to get off the phone with me.”

Sisters, are you humble enough to admit that you may have squashed this?

Consider these possible reasons:

Are you his “safe place?” 

Is he afraid he is going to be judged or corrected when he shares things with you?  It’s simply not worth the headache, heartache, etc. if he is just going to have to go through a lengthy, drawn-out lecture from you when he shares something.  It’s not worth it.  If there’s any single element that is included in his communication to you that HE knows you feel strongly about, he will filter, filter, filter, for a while…then he’ll just quit communicating because it’s just not worth the hassle.

Are you a headache?

After hours and hours of commuting and then conforming, providing for his family, perhaps he is tired of opposition.  Are you his enemy?  Certainly you’re thinking “Of course not! He knows I love him!”  But does he?  Are you the enemy that he agrees with because he’s trying to avoid “being in trouble” like he’s one of your children?  How do you receive him?  When you finally see each other at the end of the day, no matter who’s off work first, how do you receive him?  I would NEVER recommend “coddling” your man, but for the sake of your relationship, receive him with acceptance, understand he may be tired (as are you!), love him through your respect for him, and then TELL HIM how much you respect him.  Dozens of studies have proven straight from the mouths of men, in a whopping 97%, that men feel loved when they believe their spouse RESPECTS them.  Women on the other hand, feel loved when their husband CHERISHES them. Notice the difference here.  

Want him to cherish you?

You have to take the first step.  If you are both sitting around, waiting on your spouse to “do what they’re supposed to do,” it’s not ever, ever, ever going to happen.  If you are seeking the marriage you’ve always dreamed of, you MUST stop the complaining, stop ridiculing him, stop threatening him, stop withholding love/sex/affection and stonewalling him and TAKE ACTION.  You CAN turn it all around if you soften your bitter, nasty, hard heart.  You can do it!  Take action and 1) tell him how much you respect him 2) tell him how it makes you feel when he holds you/kisses you/cherishes you/provides for the family/smiles etc. 3)(and this one is most important so don’t miss it)  SHUT UP. 

I know you think that you’ve “lost the battle” if you don’t “keep him down” with all the childish, quirky things that he does that drive you crazy, but consider this: You may also be quirky, childish, annoying, irritating, fussy, stubborn, judgmental, hateful, and unforgiving… but he would NEVER say that to you because he’s trying to keep your tirade down to a minimum every chance he gets. 

Well guess what!

Inside that man that said vows to you, to have and to hold, there is a REAL person with thoughts, opinions, wants, needs, hopes, goals, and dreams.  Let HIM choose 50% of the time and SHUT UP.  If he is walking on eggshells around you, simply trying to keep you from your tirade, you are FAILING your spouse.  If there is a specific serious issue that he needs to address, lovingly explain how you feel about it and if he asks, assist him in seeking help.  Otherwise, LOVE AND RESPECT him.  Get off his back and let him be a man.  We cannot kick the legs out from under our men and then demand they stand!  I know that maybe you’ve been in control so long that you think if you let go of the control that he’ll just make poor decisions, but guess what, just like you, he will try, fail, and learn.  SO WHAT!?!  Did you die?????  Try to understand that once you operate the way YOU were designed to operate; he will follow suit.  He WILL cherish a wife that is supportive, even when he fails, respects him for not just his accomplishments and the money he makes, but for the man he is and the man he was designed to be.

You have no idea of the world you can unlock for yourself if you simply SHUT UP.

Much love,

Cassandra

A Constant Work in Progress

Thanks be to God, above all else!

Well, there's a part of me that wants to say "It is finished!" (and maybe take a nap...or a bubble bath)...but the book (to the right of your screen) is much like the work that Christ is doing in us.  As He hones us into a beautiful masterpiece, He chips away the things that are not of Him and adds to us a little something here and a little something there...

The same thing applies when it comes to Lampstand: Pointing the Way to Christ. As relieved as I am to have inserted most of my notes, scribbles, research, pictures, citations, and references, I am sure that there will be much, much more going into this compilation of my last several years.  I pray you'll continue to extend your wonderful grace and patience as I work toward a more presentable work for the Lord. 

As I stated early on in the book, this will be a living, breathing, document that is forever changing based on recent research and findings.  THAT'S where YOU come in!

I pray that we all have an open mind and an open heart to receive whatever truths He has for us. If you come across reliable evidence that something should be added, removed, or changed in Lampstand: Pointing the Way to Christ, I trust that you will contact me and let me know.  I promise to receive  you with open arms and an open mind.  This project cannot work without you, His church and His people and we only want to share truth.  So I'm counting on you!  Thank you so much to the many, many people who have made this project FUN! 



I've had so many contributors, I pray I don't neglect anyone here:


Randy Goldenberg, Senior (and Founding) Pastor at Frederick Christian Fellowship Church in Frederick, MD.  If anyone were a greater inspiration for a Christian to train and grow in Apologetics, I have yet to meet them. Randy continues to deliver a convicting message and regularly submits himself to the torture of students with 1,000s of questions that he patiently answers.  We are truly blessed to know him!  Randy has a heart for Jesus like we've never experienced. He continuously strengthens our family's beliefs and helps us to courageously research anything/everything we can think of that we might question. He's taught us that science and history are NOT enemies of the Bible, but consistently confirm the reliability of the Scriptures.

My precious and mighty man of God: Karl (who is also my husband!) I could not have taken this journey without you.  You are so patient and always willing to pitch in! Thank you for the laughs, the learning, the research, the proofreading, and listening to me whine about the tedious tasks.  You are a saint!

My two angel girls: Chelsea and Grace.  You have been more helpful than  you even know and even though you'll probably deny it, you were instrumental in the completion of this project.  Thank you for the proofreading, the research, the typing, and the hugs and smiles when I needed it! 

My precious class and pilot study for Lampstand: Pointing the Way to Christ:

At the beginning of the pilot study, I told the participants that I wanted them to challenge any/everything they found with the text.  They were not afraid to step up!

Mary Lee Schumeyer, my precious co-facilitator, who read and proofread every page I handed you...You are so diligent and have such a passion for Apologetics, you truly inspire me!

Crystal Denlinger, our wonderful and very knowledgeable archaeologist in disguise, I am so thankful for you and the way the Lord puts us right where He wants us!  He knew that I needed you and I pray you don't run the other direction when I tell you that I have MUCH to learn from you!

Maggie Sayre, Joanne Phebus, Marie Reese, Jean Gonzalez, Darcy To and again, Chelsea Lovell: thank you for challenging me and keeping me on my toes!  This project has parts of you all over it!

I am so blessed to have been encouraged by numerous people and I do not take that lightly.  I am surrounded by those who cheer me on, laugh with me, cry with me, and encourage me when I'm wallowing in the mire.  Thank you for keeping me focused, Connie Barker, Rachel Ketterlinus, Marylee Heller, Tracey Egbert, and all my precious Sisters and Brothers in Christ who have seriously stood in the gap for me when I needed it!  I love you guys!

There's only one Way to succeed...

We often find ourselves searching for that one break, that one opportunity, the perfect networking meeting, that one connection...all so that we may succeed.

But what are we running toward?  We must do and say the right things to obtain that one job that will pay enough money to buy those specific things that announce to the world: I have succeeded!

"You can be anything you want to be"   <<<<< baloney!
(You can do nothing that goes against His plan.  You can do nothing on your own power.)

"We are all winners!" <<<<<< baloney!
(No, we are not.  Some of us choose to lose.)

"Everyone deserves a trophy!" <<<<< baloney!
(When we choose to lose, we deserve love and more information.)

You may be thinking: "Cassi, do you have a burr in your saddle today or what???"

Well, yeah.  I do have a burr in my saddle.
When I see evidence every single day that my brothers and sisters are pursuing things that don't matter, pursuing more "stuff" so they can feel accomplished and be pleasing in the eyes of man.  All of those things, the "stuff" you must have, the things that you deem more important than your relationships....they are temporary and attempting to amass all you possibly can to seek the approval of man is precisely what Satan wants you to do.  He uses his power for evil and the love of money and material goods often distracts us completely from keeping our eyes on the prize!  Stop for a moment and  determine what YOU are running toward.  Then look behind you at all the people you may have trampled on your way to get that "stuff."  Think about what you will actually take with you when you leave this realm. I'll give you hint: It won't be something you can hold in your hand, something you can wear, drive, or eat. Learn to love and teach others to love.  Above all else, THAT is what we were designed for.  You will never do anything more important than loving God and the people He created.

TEXANS, TRUCKS, FREEDOM AND SIN

TEXANS, TRUCKS, FREEDOM AND SIN

I’ve done it!  Have you done it?  Yep…and in about 2 seconds you’re going to do it again.  I’m going to make a statement (because I am a free American) and you are going to judge me.  Ready?

I’m a Christian! 

I’m a recovering sinner who has been married twice and I have had several relationships that did not result in marriage.  I have lied, cursed, and have even stolen things in my early years.  I have misrepresented myself and others.  I have made mistakes, BAD mistakes.  I continue to move forward, attempting to not do those things that are wrong, according to Scripture…those that are sins.  The best part is, I’m forgiven!

There it went!  Did you feel it?  You’re probably making assumptions about my beliefs, my agenda, my life, my attitude, ME.

Now, let me share with you some things that are buzzing and my take on these things.  If you have the time, join me for a second (or twenty).  If not, pick a title and a section…Either way, I’m sharing because I’m free.

CHRISTIANS and POSERS

What’s a Christian?  These are His people who believe in Jesus Christ…not just like “I believe ice cream is cold” but “I believe in Christ so much that I attempt to adhere to His infallible message of love, forgiveness, and peace.  I believe He has died for all and His message (the Truth) will set you free.” A REAL Christian follows Him.  Christ did not say “Admire me.”  He said “Follow me.”  Christians should be using His example and love EVERYONE, sharing Truth in love, and strive for integrity that only Christ can model.  From this point forward, when I use the term “Christian” I am referring to REAL CHRISTIANS, not posers.

FREEDOM

I have a right to say that I am a Christian (without fear of persecution) because of people like my grandfather, Burl Marvin Johnson (who fought in World War II); my two spouses, who have both been to Iraq; my little sister, who’s been to Iraq; my big sister, who’s been to Afghanistan; a second cousin who has served; and a vast multitude of friends and acquaintances who have served this country defending our freedom.  What does that mean?  I AM FREE.  Also, and more importantly if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:36 NASB).  But wait a minute…what’s the context?  “The Truth Will Make You Free” is the name of the passage from where I quote this (John 8:31-59).  In the passage, Jesus states that “everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin” and “The slave does not remain in the house forever; the Son does remain forever, so if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed." 

What does this mean for us today?  We are free.  Whether you believe in Him or not, you are His and He is with you, through all things.  This is the wonderful gift of Free Will: your choice to follow Him.  Forcing your children to love you would not result in real, genuine love.  Do you agree with that?  While He knows some of the choices we make are not good for us, He allows us to make those choices.  When someone states that they believe the Bible, they are free to do so.  When someone wants to state ANYthing they believe, true or not, they have a right to do so.  I support that right, just as my grandfather would!

TRUCKS

It may seem as though Christians are “forcing their beliefs on you” and I’ve seen the argument “if you don’t like my life and the way I live it, don’t try to force your beliefs on me!”  Here’s why it may seem that way: Christians believe all humans were created by God.  That means that the manual for how to live our lives applies to all humans.  That manual is the Bible, the one book that has been handed down, generation after generation and is still more than 99.5% accurate when compared to the original text. (If you want information on the trustworthiness of the manuscripts, please ask, I have it!)

What does that mean for non-believers and for those who “believe” but do not follow Christ?

If I see you standing in the street and a truck is coming …the brakes are malfunctioning…I believe you are going to die or be seriously injured.  Should I keep to myself? 

Scripture says that we are to LOVINGLY show each other the error of our ways.  Christians cannot condone sin, but that does not mean they don’t love you.  Perhaps you feel convicted in your heart by some things that have been pointed out; perhaps you wish to argue your right to commit that sin.  You’re absolutely right…God gave YOU free will too!  You have a right to respond, but do you see why Christians have informed you in the first place?  Christians are not saying “I am perfect, act like me!”  They are instructed to show each human the way. 

MARRIAGE

What a beautiful way to say “I’m going to annoy you for the rest of your life.”  I’m just kidding.  You know, done right, marriage can be a wonderful way to share this journey as we wait for what lies ahead.  Christians believe that we are not simply having a spiritual experience, but in fact, we are spiritual beings, having a physical experience.  Christians believe that we can choose to marry while here on Earth, but our human spouse is the substitute or stand-in for the Bridegroom, in whom all our needs and desires for love will be met.  Therefore, in Heaven, we will no longer be married to our human spouse.  Each will find his or her heart so full that we will have no need for a substitute once we’ve arrived Home for good.

What does that have to do with you?  We realize that everyone should have equal rights and be able to do anything legally that we are allowed to do AND we do not wish to infringe upon your gift of Free Will.  However, if the acts committed after you have been legally joined are in direct opposition to the Word of God, most Christians are simply in opposition to using the term “marriage” for such things.  The term was instituted of God.  Perhaps you may be offended that sexual acts that you desire most are called sin, but the Bible cannot be taken in bits and pieces.  You either believe the entire book or you do not.  Yes, we all sin.  We are all sinners. However…

COULD YOU VOUCH FOR ME, PLEASE?

I’m going to sin today.  If you call it a sin and do not wish to participate in my sin, I’m going to lobby for you to lose your job, pay a fine, go to jail, etc.  You must declare that my sin is ok, I don’t care what you believe!  I’m going to require that you stand in front of a congregation of my family and friends and pretend that you agree with what I’m doing.  Isn’t it YOUR right to refuse to participate, simply because you believe I am sinning and you cannot condone it without fear for your own salvation?

As a legally ordained minister, a celebrant, an officiant, whatever you wish to call it…I have the right to refuse to marry ANYone regardless of who they are or what they are doing.  I’ll go one farther than that!  I require that I meet with and spend time with the couple to be married to ensure they know what they are getting into, that they’ve considered all the many MAJOR issues that may arise during marriage.  If the couple is incompatible in ANY way, I will not marry them and I will tell them the reason.  Even marriages between a Christian and a believer can be wrought with questions they’ve never considered.  Marriages between those who are of opposing religions can be even more difficult.  I do not marry couples who require the officiant marry them with “no mention of God,” as this is His creation.  If the Bridegroom is not invited, there is no marriage.  There are many who are legally permitted to and will indeed marry any couple, simply because there’s money in it, but my salvation is more valuable than anything or anyone to me. 

TEXAS

I have seen so many people state that the Texas Governor, Greg Abbot is a homophobic hater of those who oppose his beliefs.  Many of the people stating such things haven’t actually READ what he has done.  He did NOT decide that same sex marriage is banned in Texas.  After the ruling, he simply said that no one would be punished because due to their own beliefs, they did not marry same sex couples. Gays and lesbians have been and are still being married in Texas.

HERE IT COMES, I CAN FEEL IT!

So, before I get out of bed tomorrow, I’m going to sin. I do it every day, because I am still wrestling with the sins of the flesh!  Instead of placing God first, thanking Him that I even woke up, I’m going to be thinking of my physical needs: food, a clear and unobstructed path to the powder room, the bills, what I’m going to accomplish today… please don’t tell me that it’s ok for me to do that.  Don’t pat me on the back and say that it’s ok to ignore God.  It’s not.  If I do ignore Him, I have to answer for it, without anyone being there to vouch for me.  “Oh, she was a good person..” “She was a loving person…” “She loved animals…” “She was sincere…” Don’t help lead me down a path to my own destruction.  When I sin, POINT IT OUT.  Here, I’ll help you!  I just came back from a week in Texas.  While I was there, I began slipping back into old habits.  I overate, I cursed and I even masked my beliefs to keep others from feeling uncomfortable.  I am a sinner and you are too.  We are all recovering sinners.  Anyone who tells you they are perfect...they are lying to you.  Jesus was on this earth and will be again.  But until then, NO one is perfect.   

 Especially not me!

as always,

in His service,

Cassi Kaehn

What? Are you kidding me?

I had no idea…I didn’t know it! Did you know it? 

 

I had no idea that His love could make me feel so complete that nothing else could matter. Like…nothing…life, school, work, money…nothing.

Maybe you've heard me say that we all have that moment…when we realize that we are nothing without Him. He will lovingly tap us on the shoulder again and again until we turn around and say “Jesus! Were you there this whole time?” (praying He didn’t see some of the things we’d said and done).

He’s patiently tapping us on the shoulder…sometimes if you’re hard-headed, He whacks you over the head with a 2x4….and then there’s those like me…He came in like a wrecking ball. (I won’t sing that for you…)

 

Brothers and Sisters, I never dreamed my children would wear their Dad’s ashes around their necks. I never dreamed I’d carry and miscarry 22 babies in my body. I never dreamed I’d have a “lump of something awesome” growing on my brain…(my list could go on, if I focused on the crazy life I’ve had) but you know…it all boils down to this: I needed some Jesus! Now that doesn’t mean that the hard times won’t come…they will.

Accepting Christ, becoming a Christian, doesn’t come with the free toaster oven…You don’t get a brand new car! Ok so we may still be driving that same old broken down station wagon…bald tires, radio knobs are missing, bent antenna, and spring sticking up outta the seat that pokes you in the behind and makes you talk to Jesus…but let me tell you Sisters…

NOW we’ve got AAA!

So there are days that I may appear to be running in fields of wild flowers, filled with joy and laughter…You may believe that I found it…that I knew it…that one thing that makes nothing else matter. Yep!  I am surrounded with love and laughter...and every day is an adventure. But that’s not always accurate…He’s going to bring me to trials that are going to stretch me in ways that are excruciating…so uncomfortable. But when He stops chiseling away all the ugly things in me, does that mean He sees no more potential in me? Well I say CHISEL AWAY!

What He chiseled me into:

Back in 2008, He’s made me a PWOC sister.

I'm the sister that shows up at birthday parties, celebrates each milestone and cries alongside you with joy. I'm the sister that remembers your anniversary, your birthday, and to just call to say "hello" and "I love you"...l'm the sister that surprises you with an unexpected gift, a word of encouragement, a Scripture that reminds me of you. I will text you words of encouragement, remind you that you're so so loved, and call you up just to hear you giggle. If you ask me, I'll coach you to achieve something, I'll hold you accountable, and I'll remind you where your focus should be when you're having a pity-party. I'll listen, I'll pray, I'll think of you. I'll tell others how awesome you are, so they love you like I do. I'll encourage you to stop focusing on your tiny flaws and see the great person that I see. I'll not just love you, but I'll love your parents, your spouse, your kids, and your crazy relatives too.

I will hold my breath as you open your letter from the university and hold your hand while you get your news from the doctor. I will deliver baked goods, and food, and send flowers to you for goofy reasons. I will send tissues and funny notes to you in another country. I will pay your power bill when you're unable and take you out to lunch when you need a pick-me-up. I'll giggle with you while we get facials and eat ice cream. I'll make you laugh until your stomach hurts and you wet yourself. I'll stand in for every single person in your life, that is missing, that is far away, or has passed on. I'll stand in for anyone who has ever hurt you and I will apologize to you and mean it. I'll cry with you as we explore those open wounds together and I'll help you to forgive them.

He gave me this message to deliver: l love you like no one else has ever loved you and more than anyone on this earth will ever love you again. You will know what it is to value yourself again. You will see yourself through My eyes. You are my beautiful beautiful child. You are royalty, by Blood, and no one and nothing can ever remove you from My hand!

New links!

I've neglected my blog for quite some time to work on a few projects. I did not intend to spread myself thin, but as I researched I witnessed a few main categories become apparent. So I am currently compiling the following:

A 12-week Apologetics study that presents prophecy from several fields of study.
(You can find some of the links on the right)

A marital study for both newlyweds and pre-marital couples.

A 12-week study in Servant Leadership (derived from the research in my dissertation).


(I know that may sound a bit "scatter-brained" of me, however, each piece of literature I come across in my research falls into one of these three studies.)

Francis Chan's Oldest Daughter Brought a Guy Home; He Shares Her 'Weird' Gauge-If a Man's Suitable for Marriage

Francis Chan Says Oldest Daughter Brought a Guy Home; Shares Her 'Weird' Gauge If a Man's Suitable for Marriage

Pastor and Crazy Love author Francis Chan answered the question of what makes a boyfriend ready for marriage on John Piper's Ask Pastor John podcast by recalling a time when his older daughter brought a guy home.

He recounted, "My daughter did bring home a guy a few months ago from college and some of my friends asked her, they said 'hey how serious are you with him' and they told me her answer was so weird. They said her answer was 'I just want to hang out with him long enough to see if God answers his prayers.' That's a weird answer but in her mind that was her gauge."
The California preacher went on to describe how in his home, answered prayer is the measure of strong relationship with God.
"Growing up she would see sometimes God would answer her prayer and I'd point it out to her and I remember times I would sit her and … my second oldest down and I'd go, look you guys you see the way God answers mom and dad's prayers and when it comes time for you to get married, that's why I want you so badly to just be with a guy who loves Jesus because if you don't you're forfeiting all of this."
Now that she is meeting potential suitors, Chan said his daughter is using prayer as an indicator of faith. He said, "She's spent these 18 years with a dad who prays to God and she would see man, my dad knows God; He answers him when he prays and so now when she's with these guys she wants to know, OK do you really know God, do you really know Him, is it a true relationship with Him."
Prayer, Chan explained, is a good measure of a person's spiritual growth because "prayer is conditional." He continued, "We see in Scripture God often hates our prayers. He says I'm not listening to that; it's a bunch of noise to me. You know, if there's doubting or selfishness or unrepentance, insincerity, it's a lack of reverence."
However, Chan said, "God wants to hear the prayers of those who love Him, know Him, are walking with Him." Additionally, Bible passages such as John 15:7 show that God  also answers the prayers of those who faithful to Him.
Chan was featured in this and three other episodes of the Ask Pastor John podcast to discuss You and Me Forever, a new book about marriage and family co-written with wife Lisa. In it, the couple encourages Christian husbands and wives to approach marriage and parenting with eternity in mind.
"The whole idea behind it is sometimes couples can get so wrapped up on things here to where they're not focused on the kingdom," Chan expresses in the trailer.
In a previous episode, Chan told podcast listeners his primary parenting goal is to ensure his six children love God before they leave home and said prayer is an essential part of that aim as well.
Outside of prayer, Chan refrained from issuing any other signs of a man's marriage readiness. "I don't want to get too much into specific actions – that can be almost religious. It's more gosh does this guy, does he really know Him, does he really love Jesus and is he truly known by Him to where that prayer life is so deep and rich."

Read more at http://www.christianpost.com/news/francis-chan-says-oldest-daughter-brought-a-guy-home-shares-her-weird-gauge-if-a-mans-suitable-for-marriage-132297/#lvfHRkjCiepAumcw.99