Perhaps you crave in-depth one-on-one conversations with your
spouse. Perhaps you long for the dates
when you could just sit and talk- not spend 1.5 hours in a movie where you
never speak, but just sit next to each other…Perhaps you find yourself asking
yourself and others:
“Why doesn’t he “communicate?” When we met, he always
communicated! We had long talks, we’d
even sit on the phone for hours and hours…and now he can’t wait to get off the
phone with me.”
Sisters, are you humble enough to admit that you may have squashed this?
Consider these possible reasons:
Are you his “safe
place?”
Is he afraid he is going to be judged or corrected when he
shares things with you? It’s simply not
worth the headache, heartache, etc. if he is just going to have to go through a
lengthy, drawn-out lecture from you when he shares something. It’s not worth it. If there’s any single element that is
included in his communication to you that HE knows you feel strongly about, he
will filter, filter, filter, for a while…then he’ll just quit communicating
because it’s just not worth the hassle.
Are you a
headache?
After hours and hours of commuting and then conforming,
providing for his family, perhaps he is tired of opposition. Are you his enemy? Certainly you’re thinking “Of course not! He
knows I love him!” But does he? Are you the enemy that he agrees with because
he’s trying to avoid “being in trouble” like he’s one of your children? How do you receive him? When you finally see each other at the end of
the day, no matter who’s off work first, how do you receive him? I would NEVER recommend “coddling” your man,
but for the sake of your relationship, receive him with acceptance, understand
he may be tired (as are you!), love him through your respect for him, and then
TELL HIM how much you respect him.
Dozens of studies have proven straight from the mouths of men, in a
whopping 97%, that men feel loved when they believe their spouse RESPECTS
them. Women on the other hand, feel loved when their husband CHERISHES them. Notice the difference here.
Want him to
cherish you?
You have to take the first step. If you are both sitting around, waiting on
your spouse to “do what they’re supposed to do,” it’s not ever, ever, ever
going to happen. If you are seeking the
marriage you’ve always dreamed of, you MUST stop the complaining, stop
ridiculing him, stop threatening him, stop withholding love/sex/affection and
stonewalling him and TAKE ACTION. You
CAN turn it all around if you soften your bitter, nasty, hard heart. You can do it! Take action and 1) tell him how much you
respect him 2) tell him how it makes you feel when he holds you/kisses
you/cherishes you/provides for the family/smiles etc. 3)(and this one is most
important so don’t miss it) SHUT
UP.
I know you think that you’ve “lost the battle” if you don’t “keep
him down” with all the childish, quirky things that he does that drive you
crazy, but consider this: You may also be quirky, childish, annoying,
irritating, fussy, stubborn, judgmental, hateful, and unforgiving… but he would
NEVER say that to you because he’s trying to keep your tirade down to a minimum
every chance he gets.
Well guess
what!
Inside that man that said vows to you, to have and to hold, there
is a REAL person with thoughts, opinions, wants, needs, hopes, goals, and
dreams. Let HIM choose 50% of the time and
SHUT UP. If he is walking on eggshells
around you, simply trying to keep you from your tirade, you are FAILING your
spouse. If there is a specific serious
issue that he needs to address, lovingly explain how you feel about it and if
he asks, assist him in seeking help.
Otherwise, LOVE AND RESPECT him.
Get off his back and let him be a man.
We cannot kick the legs out from under our men and then demand they
stand! I know that maybe you’ve been in
control so long that you think if you let go of the control that he’ll just
make poor decisions, but guess what, just like you, he will try, fail, and
learn. SO WHAT!?! Did you die????? Try to understand that once you operate the
way YOU were designed to operate; he will follow suit. He WILL cherish a wife that is supportive,
even when he fails, respects him for not just his accomplishments and the money
he makes, but for the man he is and the man he was designed to be.
You have no idea of the world you can unlock for yourself if
you simply SHUT UP.
Much love,
Cassandra
