Dear nagging wife...

Perhaps you crave in-depth one-on-one conversations with your spouse.  Perhaps you long for the dates when you could just sit and talk-  not spend 1.5 hours in a movie where you never speak, but just sit next to each other…Perhaps you find yourself asking yourself and others:

“Why doesn’t he “communicate?” When we met, he always communicated!  We had long talks, we’d even sit on the phone for hours and hours…and now he can’t wait to get off the phone with me.”

Sisters, are you humble enough to admit that you may have squashed this?

Consider these possible reasons:

Are you his “safe place?” 

Is he afraid he is going to be judged or corrected when he shares things with you?  It’s simply not worth the headache, heartache, etc. if he is just going to have to go through a lengthy, drawn-out lecture from you when he shares something.  It’s not worth it.  If there’s any single element that is included in his communication to you that HE knows you feel strongly about, he will filter, filter, filter, for a while…then he’ll just quit communicating because it’s just not worth the hassle.

Are you a headache?

After hours and hours of commuting and then conforming, providing for his family, perhaps he is tired of opposition.  Are you his enemy?  Certainly you’re thinking “Of course not! He knows I love him!”  But does he?  Are you the enemy that he agrees with because he’s trying to avoid “being in trouble” like he’s one of your children?  How do you receive him?  When you finally see each other at the end of the day, no matter who’s off work first, how do you receive him?  I would NEVER recommend “coddling” your man, but for the sake of your relationship, receive him with acceptance, understand he may be tired (as are you!), love him through your respect for him, and then TELL HIM how much you respect him.  Dozens of studies have proven straight from the mouths of men, in a whopping 97%, that men feel loved when they believe their spouse RESPECTS them.  Women on the other hand, feel loved when their husband CHERISHES them. Notice the difference here.  

Want him to cherish you?

You have to take the first step.  If you are both sitting around, waiting on your spouse to “do what they’re supposed to do,” it’s not ever, ever, ever going to happen.  If you are seeking the marriage you’ve always dreamed of, you MUST stop the complaining, stop ridiculing him, stop threatening him, stop withholding love/sex/affection and stonewalling him and TAKE ACTION.  You CAN turn it all around if you soften your bitter, nasty, hard heart.  You can do it!  Take action and 1) tell him how much you respect him 2) tell him how it makes you feel when he holds you/kisses you/cherishes you/provides for the family/smiles etc. 3)(and this one is most important so don’t miss it)  SHUT UP. 

I know you think that you’ve “lost the battle” if you don’t “keep him down” with all the childish, quirky things that he does that drive you crazy, but consider this: You may also be quirky, childish, annoying, irritating, fussy, stubborn, judgmental, hateful, and unforgiving… but he would NEVER say that to you because he’s trying to keep your tirade down to a minimum every chance he gets. 

Well guess what!

Inside that man that said vows to you, to have and to hold, there is a REAL person with thoughts, opinions, wants, needs, hopes, goals, and dreams.  Let HIM choose 50% of the time and SHUT UP.  If he is walking on eggshells around you, simply trying to keep you from your tirade, you are FAILING your spouse.  If there is a specific serious issue that he needs to address, lovingly explain how you feel about it and if he asks, assist him in seeking help.  Otherwise, LOVE AND RESPECT him.  Get off his back and let him be a man.  We cannot kick the legs out from under our men and then demand they stand!  I know that maybe you’ve been in control so long that you think if you let go of the control that he’ll just make poor decisions, but guess what, just like you, he will try, fail, and learn.  SO WHAT!?!  Did you die?????  Try to understand that once you operate the way YOU were designed to operate; he will follow suit.  He WILL cherish a wife that is supportive, even when he fails, respects him for not just his accomplishments and the money he makes, but for the man he is and the man he was designed to be.

You have no idea of the world you can unlock for yourself if you simply SHUT UP.

Much love,

Cassandra